Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize