Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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