I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
