so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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