you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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