You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
