Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
