Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
