I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
