I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
