you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
