i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
