I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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