I think i peed on brittanys purse
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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