Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you will always have a special place in my vag
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
