I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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