Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
