I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
