Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
