dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
