I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
