when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
