this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
