roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sext me about skeletons
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
