Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
