I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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