If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
