Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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