He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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