can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
