Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize