ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
