What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
