There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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