i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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