I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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