I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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