Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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