No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
