I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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