peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well you can't waste a boner
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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