she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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