Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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