so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize