Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
