I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
