We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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