someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
