so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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