she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
