There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize