NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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