He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
