i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
