If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
love makes seman taste better
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
