Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
two words...techno handjob
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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