Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
