Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
