Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
