oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
