my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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